Begin Again

sunset 2013

A year passes and I expected to have more sorted out than I do.    Pull a string, sort out the tangles, and begin again.

Instead, there’s more to untangle and separate from.    Divorce should be part of the past.   Instead, it continues to stay in the present because I cannot separate my life from his.    There is a line drawn through my life that involves sharing and scheduling our son’s time.     As evenly as possible and as normal as possible.     I question how normal is possible.     I don’t think I know what that is.     The normal I’ve achieved is a life of sharing, schedules, and routines.

I’ve lost a year to existing in a routine and hoping normal will appear in a more honest way than my previous normal.      Day to day, months passed, and things feel the same.

Beginning again.

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2 responses to “Begin Again

  1. Divorce SHOULD be part of the past. But unfortunately when you have kids together the past is never going to be something that happens. God that’s exhausting to think about. And depressing. I hate divorce. And I hate cheater husbands.

    • It is exhausting. Accepting it as part of a new, unexpected reality. There are days when it feels more frustrating than others. After many weeks/months of schedules and routines that are made of only a certain # of hours with my son, there is a frantic feeling sometimes of trying to fully enjoy the time I do have with him and not waste any moments. Time passes so quickly, especially when sharing your child’ s time.

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